


I'm Broken But I'm Okay

by TheRedLotusFlower88



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angry Kaneki, Angst, Emotional Healing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hide is a good boy who doesn't deserve this, I'm Sorry, Insecurity, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-28 08:13:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13267344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedLotusFlower88/pseuds/TheRedLotusFlower88
Summary: During his time trying to find Kaneki after the Yamori raid, Hide runs into some trouble that ends up haunting him for the remainder, and about time Kaneki comes back, the damage may already be done.





	1. Chapter 1

_Hands. They were everywhere. Rough and callous, gripping tightly onto his jacket as he struggled to get away. He's not going to get away, not against a ghoul._

_Said ghoul began to sniff at his neck, and he cringed when he felt a tongue licking at his skin._

_"You smell **delicious,** " He said. He would've said something, but the ghoul's hand was in the way. He could only stare, somewhat in panic, at the glowing red eye that was eyeing him back, a hunger that didn't seem too hungry for eating him. "Bet you taste delicious too," The ghoul purred, and the human groaned when the hand gripping him slid down, down to a place no one else should be touching. "I think I'm going to enjoy you...."_

_His back hit the ground, his clothes torn, and he was trembling, scared, as the ghoul lifted his legs. He wanted to speak out, to tell him to stop, but there was a throbbing organ being pressed against his rear, hot and ready, and tears starting to form in his eyes._

_He screamed._

Hide gasped awake, sitting up on his bed, eyes wide. His breathing came to a slow as he looked around and realize he was in his apartment, not outside in the snow, not when he was cornered by the male ghoul. Gulping slightly, a trembling hand came across his neck, throat dried as sand.

It had only been a week since the incident, and he still wasn't over it. Of course, things like rape was never going to be over in a quick, flash, and a hurry, but the fact that memory still hold some power over him like this...

Hide curled up in himself, and laid on his side, eyes watering.

Maybe this is what he gets for trying to find Kaneki. The black haired ghoul had pulled away because he'd been afraid of what he was going to do to Hide, right? Why did he have to ruin that? He could've just stayed home and waited. He was sure Kaneki would never forget him, and once he'd felt safe, he'll come back to him.

He was wrong for thinking that.

Since the raid on Yamori, he hasn't seen nor hide of Kaneki. He thought he would've been back at Anteiku by now, but apparently, he was still gone. The human started to tremble even more.

 _Honestly, Hide, you're being a big baby,_ a voice pratted in his head. _Kaneki had it worst then you. He was tortured, while your pain was done and over with. If Kaneki can come out on top, so can you._ He hated this voice, he wanted it to go away. He wanted that _memory_ to go away, to never be spoke about, and wish, god does he wish, to have Kaneki with him. To have him in his arms and tell Hide that everything is okay. But he doesn't have him; he doesn't have anyone, and now Hide was suffering _alone._

He sniffled.

_It hurts, make it stop, stop please, it hurts. Please, please, please, no more, I can't, please, don't-_

"It hurts, Kaneki," He whispered into the empty room. "It really, really hurts."

* * *

Later that day, with the sun going down (Hide holding himself up in his room all day), the brown haired teen had open the door and made his way to the kitchen. He wasn't sure he could eat, but he was going to try, if not for himself, then for Kaneki.

He couldn't help but feel as though there were _claws_ digging into his back as he walked passed.

_Teeth digging into shoulder, grunts and groans mingling with his whimpers and cries, blood slipping down his thighs, and it **hurts.** It hurts so much, he wanted it to stop._

_"Please," He muttered. "P-Please..."_

_"Please what? Please keep going?" The ghoul's grin widen as did the panic inside the human's chest, staring at his rapist in terror. "Okay!"_

_"NO!"_

Hide shivered as he open the door to his fridge and then frowned. He didn't realize most of the things he had were spoiled over. _Time to go outside, Hide,_ the same voice sneered. _Time to face the big, bad world you've been hiding from._ He bit his lip.

He hasn't left his apartment since the incident, too scared that it would occur again just by being outside. He often gotten calls from the CCG, since he was their delivery boy and all, and he had decided to tell them over the phone that he had quit. He wasn't going back there anymore. _Get a hold of yourself, Nagachika. The worst thing that could happen is meeting that ghoul again._

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," He muttered to himself, slipping on his coat and heading towards the door. It was getting late, and he knew it was stupid to be heading out when the ghouls are out, but Hide was hungry and he didn't....he didn't want to stay in his apartment forever. He still have to search for Kaneki. _Do you even want to? After what has happened to you? Would Kaneki even care? He seems to care more about his ghoul friends than he does with you._ "Please just...shut up."

He open the door, shivering when the wind blew past, before closing it behind him and heading out. He could always head out to Big Girl, but he needed something that would last for a while since Hide rarely comes outside anymore.

"Hideyoshi?" A voice called out, making Hide paused. He slowly turned around and realize it was that girl at the coffee shop, the one he thought Kaneki had a crush on. "I thought that was you. I haven't seen you since...well..." Touka didn't have to say anything else, he already knew what, or rather, whom, she was referring to. "You haven't dropped by Anteiku. Is...something a matter?"

"Ah! I-uh, um...." Hide had no excuse, not when his brain is currently shut down from the incident. "S-Sorry. I've been busy with stuff, and hadn't had the time to visit..."

Touka stared at him. For a while, he thought she could see right through him (maybe she did), but then she spoke: "Well, when you do find the time, stop by okay? We're kind of worried about you. Even if Asshole Glasses won't admit it."

Hide kind of smiled. "What about you?"

Touka blushed.

"I can admit that your absence is bothersome, unlike some people." She snorted, folding her arms and Hide, for once since the incident, chuckled.

"Right. I'll stop by soon, Touka. You don't have to worry about me!" He grinned. Before Touka could say anything, he was already waving goodbye and walking away from her. Her eyes soften.

"Idiot," She whispered. "I am worried about you."

She may not know what happened, but there was a certain smell hanging onto Hide that hadn't been there before. It was a smell of a ghoul, a nasty one too. She balled her hands into a fist.

If anything happened to Hide, Kaneki was not going to be happy about it, she knew for a fact.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_He was running, as fast as he could, stumbling on his feet. He didn't look back at his pursuer, didn't care for the lack of clothes, all he knew, was that he had to get away. Get some help. He had continued to run, the mouth of the alleyway just in his sights when he felt a sharp pain traveling through his left leg, and suddenly, he was falling. Falling right into the snow, face first, and pain in his leg was red hot. He turned over to look at the damage, and winced._

_A bloodsicle in the shape of a needle, not to be confused with the crystals that Ukaku-type like ghouls uses, was stuck in his thigh, blood still flowing._

_"And just **where** do you think you're going?" A voice, the ghoul, a thought in his head whimpered, asked. He looked up at the man standing above him, red iris gleaming, as his RC cells retracted back into his body, in his back. _

_He was trembling, frozen in place, even though his mind was screaming to **crawl** to safety. He had just been about ready to start doing so, but then another blood-shaped needle stopped him in tracks, by pericing his hand. He screamed as the man got onto his knees, and flipped him over._

_"I'm not done with you yet."_

"Sir? Are you alright?"

Hide blinked as he came back to reality, and realized he's been standing in a ale for about a minute. He turned his head to see a worker looking at him with concern in her eyes, but with the way his mind is working, it seemed more like pity than concern. _Don't look at me,_ a voice whispered. _Don't touch me, you don't know...please stop. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts...._

"I'm fine," Hide grinned at her. "Sorry if I was causing you trouble."

The woman blushed. _If you only knew,_ the voice sneered. _Would you still like me even though I've been touched? Dirtied? Would you still think I'm cute when I've slept with another man? Even if it was against my will? Would you still look at me like this?_ "There's no trouble at all! You looked as though you were spacing out so I..."

 _Do I look helpless to you? I probably did to that ghoul. That's why he did these things, that's why....._ Hide felt a hitch before he could stop it, but he had force down the tears or else he'll really give this woman something to be concern over. _Pull it together, Nagachika. You're just shopping. Then you can go home._

"It's nice that you're concern for me," He muttered, hunching his shoulders as if to appear small. The woman blinked, confused at the sudden behavior. "But really, I'm fine. I'll just pay for this, and be out your way soon. Goodbye miss." Before the woman could even speak, Hide was already moving, stepping to the side and walked down the ale once more, to the register. He kept his head low, though he seemed to be constantly looking around, waiting for something or someone to jump out and attack him.

He wanted to cry again.

"Thank you for shopping with us!" The younger female at the register said, a false smile on her face. For a moment, Hide felt his heart drop. _She **knows!**_ The voice in his head screeched, and Hide merely stared at her, nervous. _She knows, she knows, she knows! She knows I'm damaged! Knows I'm no good! Knows I'm...his...._ The girl gave him a look of annoyance. "Um, can you hurry up and move along? You're holding up the line."

Hide didn't say anything, but he basically power walked out the store, the girl's mumble, "What a weirdo", echoing in his ears. But he couldn't stop. Not when he felt on edge, feeling a hundred of eyes on him, the feeling of _touch_ crawling on his skin, and no matter how much he tried to shake it off, it never will. It never does.

"Please," He started to mutter under his breath, trying to make his way home. "Please."

_"Let go!" He screamed, trying to kick the ghoul upside his head. The ghoul wasn't having it, and ended up grabbing his leg, an blank look on his face._

_"Hold still, you little bitch!" The ghoul snarled, trying his best to hold his victim down. When he finally manage to, he immediately set his knee in between his legs, spreading them apart. The human can only stare in horror, the begging of mercy on his tongue._

_"Please," He swallowed. "Please don't..."_

_The ghoul grinned, and the next thing he knew, there was pain. Hot, unsmothering, pain that raced up and down in his veins, something large inside of him, and he could feel trickles of liquid falling down his weak, trembling, thighs. He choked, staring up into the sky, the corner of his eyes becoming wet. **Kaneki....** He thought as the ghoul starting to thrust into him. **Help me....**_

Hide stopped, the grip on his bags loosing, as he stared at the sidewalk, underneath a lamp post, and he could feel his body trembling once more.

"It hurts," He said, voice choked as his eyes started to tear up. "It hurts so much."

* * *

Hide was able to make it home without incident, though, he was constantly looking over his shoulder. This fact made him sigh in relief, but also shame.

When did he become so pathetic? If he had any strength, he would've gotten over this. If he had any strength, it wouldn't have happened at all, and then he could return to his normal life, all happy and not knowing the dangers of walking outside of Tokyo in the dark alone. If he was anything, but Hideyoshi Nagachika, some things wouldn't happen.

"But instead, they did, and I have no one to blame but myself." He said, sitting the food down onto his kitchen table and moving his way towards the couch. There, he sat for a good minute, staring at nothing in particular, but his mind was in shambles. He didn't know how long it's been since he's been in that spot, but the next thing he knew, there were some knocks at the door. Getting up, he made his way over, but stopped when a thought came to him. _What if it's **him?** What if he's been stalking you? What if he found out about your apartment and came to finish the job? _

Hide stared at the door, even when the person kept knocking away.

"Hide? It's me, Yoriko," The girl, Touka's friend, he recalled. "I just wanted to check up on you. Touka had said you weren't coming around and I well, I kind of tracked down your address. Sorry if it sounded creepy," She said. "Anyway, are you coming back to Anetiku? It'll help ease some tension in the shop, especially after Touka's boyfriend went missing." Hide didn't respond. "Well...if you change your mind, you know where to find them..."

He can hear her walk away. He waited until she was a safe distance away before he broke down.

"I wish I could, Yoriko," He whispered. "I wish I could."   


	3. Chapter 3

"He's back!"

That's what she heard. Touka paused in her studying, looking up at the little girl whom she adopted as her sister, eyes wide. Hinami just stared back, happy and excited, giving her feelings away perfectly. Before Touka could stop herself, she was running. Out of the library, out onto the streets, and making her way to Anteiku.

"You just missed him," Toma had said when she asked where he was. "I'm sure if you looked around you might find him."

And so she did. She ran and ran and ran until she came to an intersection, where she saw him crossing the bridge, white hair blowing in the wind.

"Kaneki!" She called out, running up the steps just as he turned to face her, grey eye soft yet wary, as if he hadn't been tortured for almost two months. Touka stopped in front of him, still in shock that the boy whom had walked out on her, on them, was standing right before her, not a care in a world. Then, the shock turned to anger, and before she knew it, she running towards him, fist at the ready - when he caught it. "Idiot," She hissed. "Why did you come back? Don't you know we don't need you!" Each word was punctured by a fist or a kick, to which Kaneki had dodge. "Stop acting like some hero in a tragedy! We are fine without you!" Finally, she was able to land a hit, knocking the boy onto the ground.

She'll never admit out loud that seeing how Kaneki is now made something akin to a proud mother bloom inside her chest. He was strong, stronger than her now, and while yeah, she's pissed off about it, it doesn't mean she can't give credit where it is due.

"I came back to protect you, Touka." She heard him said, and Touka scoffed.

"And I keep telling you - we don't need a hero," Then, as if she just remembered, the picture of Hide and the smell of a ghoul on him came to mind, and she bit her lip. She wonders after all this time, does he still remember his friend. "Kaneki...there's something you need to know." She said just as Kaneki started to sit up and almost walked off. The half-ghoul turned to her, question in his eye. "It's about....your human friend. Hideyoshi."

Kaneki tensed, and Touka could see it through his thin shirt as well as the emotion in his eye had changed.

"Hide?" He whispered. "What about Hide? What happened to him? Is he alright?"

"I'm not sure," Touka said. "But...I think...I think he's been attacked by a ghoul." At that, Kaneki became even more tensed and it seemed like the color of his eye changed from silver, light grey to dark and storm grey. Oh yeah. He's getting angry. "The last time I saw him, there was a lingering smell of ghoul. I don't know how he'd survived if that's the case, but I think, before you do anything else, you should check up on him. He hasn't been around Anteiku since your kidnapping, and despite not being close to him as you are, we're still worry about him."

"Including you?" Kaneki asked and Touka snorted.

"Please. I just don't want him to think all ghouls are bad, is all." Was her excuse. Kaneki nearly smirked, but stopped himself. His best friend, the only person Kaneki had ever loved, was hurt and Kaneki hadn't been there for him. This was no time for smiles.

"Thanks for telling me, Touka. I know you didn't have to." He said. Touka shrugged.

"Yeah, if it'd been Yoriko, I would've wanted to know too." Silence. The two ghouls stared at each other. "...I'll see you around, then?"

Kaneki didn't answer, but he started to walk away, and Touka huffed.

"Fine, don't answer me. Asshole."

* * *

_In and out. That's all he knew, staring at the sky with dull, yet wet brown eyes, his body moving along with the thrust. He couldn't cry anymore, he was so tired, so hurt. He just wanted it to stop, for everything to just stop and disappeared. He was slowly starting to regret coming out late._

_"Fuck, you're so good," The ghoul hissed, bending over so he could lick the human's neck. He didn't say anything, he couldn't even look at him. His body went entirely numb, whether from the cold or because of what's going on, he didn't know. All he knows is that he wanted the ghoul to go away._

_The ghoul nibbled on his neck, hard enough to draw blood, and he groaned. The ghoul had been doing that a lot, small little beads of blood appearing after the abuse his skin had suffered, but it was nothing compared to the amount of pain his left side went through, not to mention his rectum. Suddenly, he started to pick up speed, and the human hiccupped, already knowing what's going to happen. With a loud groan, the ghoul had came inside, still rocking his hips until the last bit entered Hide. The ghoul paused, panting, before dropping Hide's leg off his shoulder and stared down at the human, whose face was red and wet, body sprinkled with bite marks - his side being the largest one - and now there was blood mix semen dripping out of him._

_He grinned, tracing a finger down on Hide's chin._

_"I wanna keep you," He purred, laughing when Hide tried to move away from him. "You're going to be so much fun to play with!"  Hide gave him a glare, to which the ghoul merely winked at. He then started to get up, zipping up his pants. "Maybe I'll see you around, yeah? It's been too long since a human could entertain me as more than a meal."_

_The ghoul began walking out of the alley, and Hide just stared as he went by, still laying in the snow, naked, bloody, dirty, and most of all shame. When he finally came back to his senses, he merely curled up in a ball and cried._

Hide shook his head, and stared at the meal in front of him. It wasn't much, just some vegetables and some rice, but he'd hoped he could keep it down. He closed his eyes as the flashbacks started, the grip on his utensils tighten.

After the incident, Hide had manage to walk home and nearly puke all his guts out. He had broken down crying, loudly, sobbing, and merely sat in his shower in hopes the water would wash away the evidence of what happened to him. Despite this, he still felt dirty, still felt ashamed, and had hold himself up in his apartment because he'd been too terrified of running into another ghoul, or even the same ghoul, and have the same thing happen to him. The memory would forever be etched into his mind, and parts of him wonder if anyone could love him ever again.

"No," He said bitterly. "No one would ever love a used toy."

Suddenly, there was knock on his door and Hide tensed, hoping it wasn't the ghoul.

"Hide," A voice he was all to familiar with said. "I know you're in there. I can smell you. Can we talk?"

Kaneki.   


	4. Chapter 4

Hide stared at the door, unable to move, eyes wide.

Kaneki? He was back? And...he came to visit him? Hide swallowed, mouth suddenly growing dry. There was a tiny voice in his head that was whimpering, begging for him not to open the door. _I don't want him to know...what if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore? Will he blame me? Will he think I deserve that?_ A sudden knock interrupted his thoughts.

"Hide, please. I just want to talk." Kaneki begged. Before he could talk himself out of it, Hide began moving towards the door, unlocking it and open it slowly, peaking his head out. He stared at the figure behind the door.

"K-Kaneki?" He croaked. "W-What happened to your hair, dude?"

Kaneki smiled sadly.

"Long story. Can I come in?" He asked, to which Hide nodded and open the door fully, stepping to the side as Kaneki walked in.

"Not much has changed since you were last here," Hide said, closing the door and turned to face his friend, a smile on his face. "Speaking of, where have you been? Don't you know rabbits die when they're lonely? You shouldn't have left your bestest friend in the whole wide world alone, Neki!"

The half-ghoul could only stare at him, unable to say a word.

Despite his efforts, Kaneki knew Hide was hiding something ( _the ghoul attack_ ). His grin was a little too wide, his eyes were a little too sad, and everything that was coming out of his mouth sounded forced - despite the normal word vomit Hide usually does. On top of that, his appearance wasn't any better - his natural hair was starting to show, browning at the roots, ends split, there were bags underneath his eyes, and maybe Kaneki was seeing things, but he could've sworn Hide was losing weight, or at least, seemed smaller than Kaneki had last seen him. There were visible red markings on his arms too, though, Kaneki wasn't sure if they came from the ghoul or not.

"Kaneki?"

"I..." Kaneki wasn't sure how to start this. He definitely didn't want to force Hide to talk if he's uncomfortable, but he _needed_ to know. To help. _To kill the person who'd dare hurt Hide._ "Touka....I'm a ghoul." Was what he said. Hide blinked while Kaneki felt mortified as he oh so bluntly told his friend the biggest secret he had.

"I...figured, when you wouldn't want to eat Big Girl with me," Hide said, a lopsided smile coming across his face. "You've been acting strange ever since the date with Rize. Was it her? How did you become a ghoul anyway?"

"In a way, yes, it was her," Kaneki said, looking at the side. "But...I....I didn't come to tell you this Hide. I told you this because I want you to understand," Kaneki looked down as he muttered, bracing himself for whatever what about to come. Hide, for the most part, looked confused. "Touka...she told me that you may have been attacked by a ghoul."

At that, Hide froze, heart sinking into the pit of his stomach. His mind was screaming, to push Kaneki away, and to never have him return. _Oh god, he **knows.** He knows I've been touched. Does he hate me now? Is he telling me this because he's disappointed in me now? Am I....Is he going to stay with the ghouls now? _

"How...?"

"As a ghoul, we can smell things a lot more than what the CCG has given us credit for," Kaneki said, fidgeting in his spot. "When you came in contact with Touka, she said she'd smelt a lingering scent that only belongs to a ghoul. She figures you had a run in with them. Hide," He looked up, a slight begging look in his eye. "Please. I want to know what happened."

Hide paused, debating. A part of him wanted to tell Kaneki no, not just because he's ashamed of it happening, but because a part of him felt petty. Kaneki had spent most of his time with Anteiku and kept Hide in the dark, avoiding him whenever he can. It didn't matter how much Hide had begged, pleaded, or schemed - Kaneki hadn't budge a single inch, and during that time, Hide had fretted over himself wondering what he'd done wrong that caused his friendship with Kaneki to end. If Kaneki wanted to keep his ghoul secret a secret and shut Hide out, then why couldn't Hide keep this one and tell Kaneki to leave?

But a much bigger part of him knew he couldn't do that. Damn him for being so loyal to the one guy who had no problem leaving him in the dust. But he was glad he could have someone to talk to about it, he wasn't sure how much longer he could've kept up this act.

"We should sit down. Want some coffee? Granted, I can't make good coffee, but..." Hide offered, a small, broken, smile on his face as he looked at his best friend. Kaneki felt his heart tear to pieces at the look, and the need to protect and to kill came over him before shaking it off.

"No thanks." Kaneki said. Hide didn't say anything else as they moved towards the kitchen, where Kaneki sat on one end and Hide the other. Nothing was spoken for a while, the clock on the wall being the only thing breaking the silence, before Hide spoke...

"I have always known, Neki. About the ghoul thing," Kaneki's head snapped up. Hide looked pained. "I just wanted you to tell me. You know I wouldn't hate you, you're my best friend, my..." He paused, blushing, before shaking his head. "I kept bothering you because I knew you were trying to push me away. I didn't want that. But then, you disappeared, and I..." Hide could feel his throat swell, trying his best to blink away the tears. "I tried to find you. I think I was on the right track too." He felt his shoulders tensed and Kaneki could only stare at his friend, feeling helpless when he noticed how Hide was trying to ball himself up, in a defensive position. "It was snowing when it happened. I had been walking down an alleyway, when this ghoul came out of nowhere, and tried to corner me..."

_Hands, blood, teeth, ripped clothes, him protesting, the ghoul laughing...._

"I wasn't strong enough. Not against a ghoul. And I have no idea how to fight," A bitter smile. "To him, I was easy prey..."

_"No, please!"_

_"Fuck, you feel so good."_

_"Wanna keep you."_

_"Stop it!"_

"Pushed me into the ground, and...and..." Hide started to tremble, a tear falling down his face, following another and another. "I....I was raped."

_Screams and begs, moans and groans, filled the air. There was so much pain, the snow no longer white, but pink-red._

"I couldn't...he wouldn't let go, and I...." He whimpered. "I had manage to escape once....but he got me with his Kagune. And....he fucked me again."

_"Such a good little bitch. Fuck, I don't think I'll ever get tired of you."_

"It wouldn't stop, he just kept going, and it hurts," He sobbed. "It had hurt so much. I wanted it to be over, I wanted him to go away. Or at least kill me. Neither happened."

_A name. He had said a name. Apparently the ghoul heard it too, and he laughed._

_"Kaneki? Is he your boyfriend or something? HA! Like he'll ever want you again. Hey, if things don't work out, you know where to find me. Or better yet..."_

_A bite. There were several bites marked all over his body. They weren't even hungry bites (except for the one on his side), but marks one would give if....if....if_

_If they had a lover._

_He wanted to puke._

"It felt like hours before he let me go, and when he did...I couldn't move. I was just sore all over, and...." Hide hiccupped. "I tried to wash him off. I don't think I've succeeded."

"Is that what the red markings on your arms are from?" Kaneki asked, trying to not let it show just how pissed off he was. Hide already looked scared, and he hated himself for making the human feel that way. Especially when Kaneki _knew_ that feeling, all too well. The difference being that Kaneki was a ghoul, who had been able to fight back against his tormentor. Hide had to suffer for quite a bit, because he was right. He couldn't fight back against ghoul, no human could. At least, not without those weapons the CCG has.

"Yes..." He whimpered.

_He scrubbed his skin so much it was starting to peel. The water had gone cold, and he could've gotten sick, but he didn't care. He wanted to wash the evidence away, wanted to make sure he wasn't as tainted as he felt. He wanted to feel clean and whole again._

_Too bad he couldn't wash away the memory._

They sat in silence. Hide continued to cry his tears, and Kaneki spoke.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, and Hide looked at him. "I never meant to hurt you like this. And you shouldn't have to go through that trip again. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Hide smiled at him.

"It's okay, Neki," He sniffled. "I...I probably deserve this."

A sudden slam on the table had Hide snap his head up at his friend, eyes wide, and nearly recoiled. Kaneki had his Kakugne revealed, as well as his Kagune, and he looked extremely, extremely angry. Hide nearly fell off his seat, heart logged his throat. Did he do something wrong? Was Kaneki going to eat him now?

" **No,** Hide, you did **not** deserve to be rape, OR deal with the aftermath," He hissed, but Hide could hardly focus on his words when he's busy eyeing the wildly moving tendril spurting out from Kaneki's back. Seeing this, the half-ghoul tried to calm down and force his Kagune away. It would do him no good if Hide was scared of _him_ now. "I'll admit that walking in the streets of Tokyo by yourself in the dark is pretty dangerous. But even so, you don't deserve what has happened to you. Nobody does," Kaneki tried to explain. "The ghoul had made his choice. Everything he'd done, he did it because he wanted to, not you. It's never okay for someone to put their hands on you without permission." Kaneki wanted to hug him, to reach out, and smoothen his fears, but with how Hide was flinching and looking at him as though Kaneki would try to eat him (which disheartened him, because he had been trying _not_ to let this happen), he wasn't sure if Hide was ready for any contact yet. "You said he had a Kagune. Do you know the type?"

"It was like a needle. I'd assume it falls under the crystals genes some ghouls has, but it didn't harden like one." Hide said. Kaneki wondered if he knew any ghouls that were like that, and then there was apart of him, Rize, that told him to check another ward for them.

"I see," Kaneki muttered.

"...Neki?" Hide whispered, and the ghoul turned to him, question in his eye. "If...if it's okay with you....can you stay with me? For a little while? I...I don't want to be left alone." He bowed his head to hide the tears. "Not again."

Kaneki couldn't stop himself. He had lunched himself over the table and hugged Hide, whom had frozen on contact, but relaxed as he started to cry again.

"Never again," Kaneki whispered, giving Hide a squeeze. "I will  **never** leave you again."    


	5. Chapter 5

They had gone to bed after that, Hide leading the ghoul to his bedroom. He watched the human crawl into the bed, leaving enough space that had Kaneki questioning, but knew better than to ask. After what happened to him, Kaneki knows Hide wouldn't be use to touch just yet, and he didn't want to spook him. Laying down on his side, he turned to face the human who only stared back.

"Is this okay?" Kaneki asked. Hide didn't say anything before he scooted closer and grabbed his hand. Kaneki gave it a squeeze.

"...Yes," He whispered back, eyes lowering. "Thank you, Neki. You didn't have to stay. You can...you can go back to your ghoul friends, if you want."

"Not when I know you're hurting," Breaking out of their handhold for a moment, Kaneki reached up and began to smooth over Hide's hair. After a while, he brought it back and held his hand again. "I can talk to them tomorrow. You can come with me if you want."

"I'm suppose to be doing something tomorrow," Hide said. "But...I'll stop by. I kind of have to anyway, I've promised Touka I would."

"Hmm," Kaneki hummed. "Goodnight, Hide."

"Night Neki."

He waited until the human was fully asleep before Kaneki moved closer, wrapping his arms around him, coddling him. He could only stare at the wall, Kakugne revealed, as his mind went through some turmoil as he recalled everything he'd learned from Hide.

Anger. Pure, unadulterated, anger seeped into Kaneki's being, to the point of visibly shaking. He'd never wanted so badly to hurt another person before, but when he recalled Hide's tears, his terrifying expression, and his seemingly lost confidence, it was all he could do not to leave the bed and go ghoul hunting like he wanted to. Then he remembered the only reason Hide was hurt was because he was searching for him, and felt guilty. If he had came right on out and told him, Hide would've never gone searching for him. He would've never been hurt, been touched.

"I am so sorry, Hide," He whispered into the sleeping boy's ear. "I'll make it up to you."

Whoever this ghoul was, he made the wrong choice.

* * *

The next day, Kaneki had left early and made his way over to Anteiku, in hopes to find some information about the ghoul who'd attacked Hide.

"Oniisan, you're back!" Hinami said as soon as she saw him. Kaneki just smiled as Nishiki turned to him.

"Welcome back, we thought you were gone forever." He said. Kaneki just shook his head.

"I actually came here for some information. I'm assuming Touka has told you what happened to Hide, right?" He asked. Suddenly, Nishiki was no longer slouching, and there was a sharp glint in his eyes. Kaneki bit back a smile. Even when Nishiki acts like he doesn't care, Kaneki knows it isn't true, and while he may know what type of relationship he and Hide has, Kaneki can assume it's a bit friendly one.

"Yeah. He's been attacked by a ghoul," He said, narrowing his eyes. "How bad is it?"

"Hinami, can you excuse us for a moment?" Kaneki asked to which the younger girl nodded and left the room. Almost immediately, the atmosphere changed, and Nishiki found himself looking at a very pissed off, almost irrational, ghoul. "He was raped." He growled, and Nishiki flinched at the sound of cracking fingers. "Someone had touched him. Someone not of this ward. I need answers."

"Geeze...I'm sure the old man will give them to you," Nishiki said, a deep frown on his face, a glint of anger in his eyes. "Raped huh? They took a bite out of him, and just....?"

"They marked him," Kaneki nearly snarled. "I'm pretty sure they wanted to do it again, if they found him again. Do you know any ghouls that has a Kagune that can shoot needles?"

"Needles? Don't you mean crystals?" Nishiki asked, but Kaneki shook his head.

"From what Hide described it, it looked as though it was more like a needle than a crystal. So it's definitely not a Ukaku Kagune." He said just as Touka came down the steps to hear their conversation.

"It damn well better not be. I hate to be accused of anything I didn't do." Touka snorted, folding her arms. Nishiki sneered.

"Are you implying you would rape someone, little girl?"

"Fuck off, Shitty Glasses!" Touka snarled before blinking. "What was that?"

"Rape. Apparently, Nagachika was raped by the same ghoul who'd attacked him. The Kagune used apparently shoots needles similar to how a Ukaku shoots crystals, though I myself never heard of one nor seen one." Nishiki said. Touka turned to Kaneki.

"Think maybe a hybrid then?" She asked.

"With what? A Ukaku user and....?" Kaneki responded, and Touka shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey it's just a suggestion." She said, making Kaneki sigh. Just as he was about to leave, heading upstairs to see Yashimura when a noise from his phone stopped him. He blinked. He hasn't used his cellphone since he'd became a ghoul, having wanting to cut contacts with Hide in hopes of his safety ( _What a joke. You forget you're not the only ghoul around here, Kaneki_ ). He didn't hesitate when he answered it.

"Hello?"

"K-Kaneki!" It was Hide, and he sounded troubled. Immediately, the half-ghoul was on alert and the other two could sense it.

"Hide! What's wrong?"

"H-He's back! He's chasing me! Kaneki  _help!_ " Hide sobbed into the phone. He didn't have to say anymore, Kaneki was already running out the door. "Please, please, _please,_ don't let him take me! Neki!"

"I'm coming Hide! Just hold on!" Kaneki tried to calm down the hysteric human. Hide continued to sob.

"He's going to touch me again! Please! No! Go away! Sto-"

The call ended abruptly, and Kaneki nearly went into Kakujan mode. Picking up his scent, everything else began to fade in Kaneki's mind as he focus on his best friend, on his smile, his cheery personality, and how it was washed away thanks to this incident.

He felt his lips curl as he dashed through people, his Kagune wiggling underneath his skin.

It craved for blood, for food, and for once, Kaneki allowed himself to listen.

* * *

Hide struggled to stand, breathing heavily through his mouth. He couldn't believe this was happening to him again; he had only taken a single step outside his apartment when he felt himself being watched. The moment caused him to freeze, and when he turned around, it was  _him._ The same ghoul that had touched him, grinning, eyes red with lust, and the next thing he knew, Hide had taken off. He heard the ghoul laugh as he began to chase him, causing the human's heart to jump into his throat, tears swelling in his eyes.

He came back. He had left him alive, only to come right back to him. He was going to be raped again, going to be filthy again. _No please, don't. Go away. Just go away._ He had barely any time to think, just kept running, terrified out of his mind.

It had been later during the run that he decided to call Kaneki. He had hoped against all hope that, with Kaneki being a ghoul in the air, the half-human-half-ghoul wouldn't push him away anymore and this time answer his calls, and texts. He considered it a miracle when Kaneki did answer, and then it was dashed when the ghoul had destroyed his phone using his Kagune.

"You know," The ghoul purred, stalking towards the human that was cowering from him. "I had seen the face of your boyfriend. Gotta say, I'm not impressed. Tell me, was he any good for you like I was?" When Hide said nothing, just whimpering, the ghoul's grin widen. "That's what I thought. You're probably use to my touch by now."

"S-Shut up," Hide stuttered out, glaring at the ghoul with tears in his eyes.

"Hmm, I think not, although," The grin became lecherous. "I could really go for a blowjob right about now. You like sucking dick, right?"

Hide scrambled to get away, but the ghoul was quicker and shoved him onto the ground. He let out a painful moan, even more so when the ghoul dig his fingers into his scalp and pulled his head until he was eye leveled to the ghoul's crotch.

"If you bite, I'll kill you," He hissed, glaring at the human. Hide choked, tears swelling his eyes. Before anyone could realize what was happening, a long, red limb came across the ghoul's neck, tightening, making the ghoul choke and let Hide go. The human coughed and looked towards his savior.

"K-Kaneki." He stuttered, looking at the severely pissed off ghoul.

Kaneki paid him no mind, only narrowing his eye at the ghoul he'd caught.

"So you're the one who'd touched my friend?" He asked. The ghoul couldn't respond, he was too busy choking as Kaneki continued to cut off his air supply. He struggled against the tendril that was wrapping around him tightly, clawing uselessly at it. Hide had stumbled onto his feet and made his way over to the half-ghoul, shivering against him. In a low whisper, Kaneki mutter: "Go to Anteiku. I'll be done here in a minute."

"Kaneki..."

"This is not up to debate, Hide," By the tone of his voice, Hide knew Kaneki wasn't playing around. He's never heard him sound so serious before, not even when Hide actually _did_ manage to piss him off. The human could only feel flush that he was like this for his sake.

"Be careful." Hide said, though, he felt foolish for saying that. Kaneki gave no indication that he heard him, and Hide himself began walking out of the place he'd concerned himself in. As soon as Hide was long gone, a twisted, sinister, cruel smile slowly made its way on Kaneki's face. The ghoul entangled suddenly felt fear when he noticed the not-at-all sane look in the halfie's eye.

"Now then," **Crack.** "It seems you have touched something that doesn't belong to you," **Crack.** "That doesn't make me a very happy ghoul, sir. So I hope you are ready to die."

Inside his head, he could hear Yamori laughing.

* * *

"I'm glad you're alright, Hide." Hinami said, just as Toma settle a cup of tea down for the human. Hide gave the little girl a shaky smile.

"Thanks, Hinami-chan. I'm sure I'll be okay." At that, Nishiki snorted.

"Right. After what happen, you sure would be okay," He said, and Hide grinned.

"Ahh, Senpai, are you worried about me?"

"Shut up with the 'senpai' crap!" Nishiki shouted, blushing as Hide and Hinami began to laugh. The rest of the ghouls looked on, a smile on their faces, when the bell to the door chimed and it came Kaneki, still somewhat soaked in blood.

"Damn it, Kaneki! Did you at least _try_ to clean up!" Touka scowled at him, but Kaneki already landed eyes on Hide. The human seemed shock to see the blood, and it looked as though he wanted to talk about it, but decided not to. Maybe when they were alone, they'll talk, but for now, not here.

"Go get clean, Kaneki. Then come join us for coffee!" He said instead, a small smile on his face. It wasn't the brightest smile Hide could make, but Kaneki could see some edge coming off of him, now knowing that his attacker was dead. He was still wary about the ghouls, though, seeing how he wasn't sitting as close to them as they could, but it was a start.

He just hope he could fix the sun better than he can fix himself.   


End file.
